How to Fall Out of Love With Someone You Can’t be With

Last Updated on by Chris Thompson

I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to lay in bed at night, your heart aching for someone who doesn’t want you anymore.

You think about the time they said “I love you” or when they touched you for the first time and all of those memories start flooding back. It hurts so much, but if you don’t leave then your life will never be yours again. The only way out is through- let go of them and move on with yourself. 

Steps to fall out of love with someone you can’t be with

  1. You have to be willing to let go

2. the best way to fall out of love with someone that you care about is to stop thinking about them

3. first, take some time for yourself – go on a trip or read a book by yourself 

4. try not to think about this person during your day-to-day activities 

5. remember how much they hurt you – don’t let their good qualities overshadow what they did wrong 

6. if all else fails, remind yourself why you fell in love with this person (hint: it wasn’t because of their bad sides)

Step 1: You Have to be Willing to Let Go.

Everyone has that one person in their life who they can’t forget. You know the feeling of waking up and not knowing what to do with yourself because you’re used to seeing them everyday.

You start thinking about how they would react if you texted them, or what it would be like if they were right next to you holding your hand.

You have to be willing to let go of all of this fear in order to fall out of love with them. Don’t get so caught up thinking about what’s going on in their life that it stops you from living yours.

#2. Stop Thinking About Them

I’m not saying stop caring or pretending like you don’t still want them, but if you don’t spend any time thinking about this person then eventually your feelings will fade away and it will get easier every day.

Try not to think about them during your day-to-day activities- focus on other things. Remember how much they hurt you- don’t let their good qualities overshadow what they did wrong.

It’s hard not to forgive someone that you still love, but if remembering all of the bad stuff makes you sick to your stomach then it’s probably best that you don’t see them again.

#3. Take some time for yourself – go on a trip or read a book by yourself

The worst thing you can do is try and hold onto someone who doesn’t want to be yours anymore. You’ll never get over them unless you accept that letting them go is the only way.

Your soul has to be ready to move on and that can’t happen until you accept the fact that they don’t want to be with you anymore.

I’m not saying forget about them, but it’s important that you take some time for yourself. Go out and do something fun- maybe go on a trip or read a book by yourself. Remind yourself why you fell in love with this person. If they were so wonderful, then there has to be someone else out there who is just as great. 

#4. Be honest with yourself – remember why this relationship didn’t work out

If I could go back in time, the first thing I would tell myself is to stop thinking that everything was my fault. It wasn’t easy for me to accept that someone who said “I love you” and who touched me like she did didn’t really love me at all (because of his own problems/insecurities). 

My advice? Be honest with yourself and don’t be afraid to admit that he wasn’t what you thought he was.

There are good people in the world, but there are also bad ones. Realize that it is NOT okay for a person to treat you badly and then try and make up for it by giving you gifts or saying sorry. 

#5. Stop resisting change – accept that this relationship isn’t going anywhere

It’s hard to admit defeat when things haven’t turned out as you’d hoped they would, but the truth is that most relationships don’t work out like they do in movies- the sad part is that sometimes it takes a while (months or even years) before you come to terms with this fact.

It sucks when someone hurts us, but even after we break up with them, they can still have an impact on our future relationships. But I promise you that if you become your own person then you will be able to move on from this relationship and find someone who is worthy of your love and respect.

#6. Look for the good qualities in other people – remind yourself why it’s worth taking a risk

This process won’t happen overnight- it took me months before I was able to let go of my thoughts about this guy (I’m pretty sure I spent most of 2013 dreaming about him). 

There are many days when moving forward seems like an impossible task but if you continue to try every day then eventually these bad memories will fade away completely and your heart will be ready to be with someone new.

I wanted to forget about this guy, but it was impossible because I loved him and he didn’t love me back. It’s true that all of the gifts and kisses in the world weren’t enough to make up for his lack of respect or affection (he never told me he loved me). 

So why should you let go? Because letting go is the first step towards allowing yourself to be happy again. And if you still have feelings for this person then that means that deep down you’re not yet ready to let them go. So give yourself permission to feel whatever you need to feel- just don’t use your ex as an excuse to stay stuck in your life.

But there comes a time when you need to make a decision. You either have to give up on this person or go ahead and tell them (and yourself) that you want to be with them (“I love you” is usually a good enough way of doing that). If they say no, then remember that it’s okay not to have the person you were hoping for- just focus on putting yourself out there.

#7. learn from past relationships – don’t make the same mistakes again

If you used to date someone who treated you like an object than try not to let history repeat itself. 

The most important thing about learning from your past experiences is knowing what kind of behavior is unacceptable in a relationship so that if anything like this ever happens again then we’ll be prepared to end it.

#9. don’t live in the past (because there are so many things out there to explore)

I’m not saying that you should go online and start looking for your next boyfriend, but one important thing you can do is try new things- it’s great to discover a new hobby or sport because it’s fun and takes your mind off of what happened between you and this person. 

Even if you stay home on Friday night all alone, remember that it will only make you feel better if you’re doing something productive with your time- like catching up with friends, doing DIY projects at home or even reading a book. The more happy activities you add into your life, the quicker this breakup will go by.

#10. forgive – starting with yourself (for setting such high standards)

When you first get your heart broken then it’s normal to feel numb and devastated, but if you continue to live in this state of misery then you will only be hurting yourself even more. One thing I learned is that there’s no point dwelling on the past because dwelling doesn’t change anything- so I started looking forward instead- learning from my past mistakes and making positive changes for the future. 

At other times we still find ourselves wishing we hadn’t trusted someone or hoping they will regret hurting us, but these thoughts won’t make us feel any better. So instead of wasting our time worrying about them, maybe we should start forgiving ourselves for not being able to see the truth sooner. It’s disappointing that we fell for someone who didn’t respect us but there must be a reason why our hearts led us down this path… 

Don’t think about your past relationships as mistakes, instead try to learn from them and ask yourself what you want in a relationship in the future (and how you’re going to get it).

#11. believe that true love exists because some people are just meant to be together

I used to feel like I was destined to be alone forever until I met my husband- he was exactly what I needed and somewhere along the line (despite all of my doubts) it became clear that we were meant for each other. So even if everything seems hopeless right now, I hope you’ll understand that there’s always a possibility of meeting someone who makes you feel this way. Growing old alone is all very well if that’s what you want but if the idea of spending the rest of your life without love doesn’t sound too exciting then I have some good news for you: You’re allowed to change your mind.

#12. remember this isn’t how it ends- sometimes endings are just new beginnings

We often hear the phrase “everything happens for a reason” or “this wasn’t meant to be”, which sounds nice and all but at first it still feels like shit when it happens (and probably will for a long time). But like I said before, sooner or later we learn to

#5. remember how much they hurt you – don’t let their good qualities overshadow what they did wrong

It’s so easy to forgive someone who still means that much to us- but it can also be really hard not to forget why we fell out of love with them in the first place. So here’s

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